Having written what I did yesterday I feel a little more compassion towards the fat woman I have become. Having admitted to myself that my life is only about being a parent, I will scold myself a little less when I don't get moving, when I don't look forward to going to the gym. It's like I just need to get up and start slowly, go through the motions each day and one day I'll wake up and feel good about myself. It's not gonna happen overnight. It took a few years to get to this weight.....and it took a long time to become so blase about exercise. Truth of it is, when I don't get excited to exercise like I used to, I feel bad about myself even more. It stagnates. It freezes me up, I don't do a thing. Well, today I'm going to take this day, and this day only, and live it like I'm dying next week. I'm gonna get my ass up in this snow, put on the snow pants and boots and walk on the cliffs. And then I'll visit that spa I spoke of last week. I will do some light exercise and swim. It will feel good. I will feel more alive today than I have in a LONG time. And I won't feel bad that I'm not looking forward to it. I will simply go through the motions. I'll even bring a book to the spa and after I swim I'll lay in a sunny window by the big pool, soak up some moist heat, and lose myself in another world. A world bound by pages and someone else's imagination. A world where I don't have to think about my figure, or beimg a parent, or what life would be like if I left the baby daddy when I should have. Wish me well!